How to make sure you won't get a review
Need exposure?
Of course you do. What's the use of making brilliant music and not telling the world about it?
You know what? A review on Here Comes The Flood is a good starting point for your future world domination.
Facts, figures and such. For free! Get one while supplies last.
There are rules!
Not reading the rules. Do it. Now.
Awesome adjectives
Excessive use of chest beating adjectives. Telling me you are cool and awesome is not up to you. That's something what other reviewers might have written about you.
This song was featured in ....
some lame TV show/movie/commercial I never heard of. Or would hate if I did. It's about the song, not its use in a totally irrelevant setting.
I've won/been nominated for...
I don't care about awards. So don't mention you've got one. Or nearly got one.
I've been on TV in a singing competition
I don't watch those scripted, lame shows. O, and good luck getting out of the contract they made you sign.
Remix of <insert name track>
Do your own stuff. I don't mind a good cover though.
Using CAPS-LOCKED subject lines
If you can't handle a keyboard, you are likely to suck at playing your musical instrument too.
Stupid subject lines
"Hey, check this out".
Nope.
"New music".
O really? You aren't peddling mortgages or some such?
Stupid lines in general
"I hope you’re good".
Cut the crap and come to the point.
"Hope you are well."
You're a doctor?
"I'm working with ..."
No, you're not. Somebody hired you to handle the PR grunt work. You're not in the band.
Familiarity
Don't call me dude, guy, brah, bro, friend, team or some such when you contact me about the possibility of a review. I don't know you. There is only one real dude and that's not you.
Trying to bribe me
Don't even go there. Ever.
No comment option on this page. There's no point, you see.
